| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
MTV True Life - I'm in a Long Distance Relationship |
] |
I love winter so much. I think it's just because the cold reminds me of the holidays and I always associate those with Cowboy games with the family and food and closeness. Even the Worst Six Months of my Life had a Cowboy game for Thanksgiving, and the cold. It's just so soothing, especially here when it's pretty much summer nine months of the year.
Oh, and I quit NaNoWriMo. I did 2k of, what is it, 18k? I just didn't care. Like, I couldn't get the guys to talk to me -- they're all just tired. And I had to consider what was more important, putting them down when they wouldn't cooperate or doing classwork (Spanish class has been especially difficult), developing my relationship with Chantal, and working. NaNo, which I've done six years now, had to take a back seat. There was no real motivation to catch up anyway, since my finger is still recovering from that huge infection.
If you missed it, I chew my nails hardcore. I just have nervous ticks and when I have anxiety or boredom it's right to the nails. I've been doing that since I was in the single digits. And for the first time ever I got one of my nails infected -- I chewed it a lot and I guess either from my mouth or from holding hands or something, but the skin under the first knuckle turned into a big blister and I had to eventually take a tack and open the skin to fix it, because otherwise I couldn't write, type, or do much of anything with it. That's a problem when the finger is your right index finger. This all happened the week before NaNo so naturally I fell behind with that.
But yeah. So I'm just really into MASH and Torchwood again. I've been messing around a bit more with Trapper and Jack, seeing what I can do. I don't know, it interests me more than Bleachers right now. Or sports in general. Not that I'm falling out of it, but I missed the post-season with the MLB up until the World Series, and even then I missed a bit, so the spirit isn't around. I want more hockey and football, actually, but as far as I can tell the Girls aren't on today. The Giants are, so maybe them. But my Stars and Coyotes are struggling so that isn't as exciting. And my Mavs got their asses kicked by the gutted Nuggets, and I could only stand to watch about 20 minutes of that.
My hormones are all over the place right now. Or maybe it's just my mood, I don't know. It's been a little unfair to everyone but I can't control it. I can't count the number of times the past two weeks I've texted Tommy telling him I love him and want to talk; it's just homesickness, I think, because it is winter and I always think of winter as Dallas. Plus I think of him as openness and stability, since he's the guy I can tell everything to and who's just so solid, and I want that right now because everything else is so liquid and unreliable. I'm hyper happy half the time, when I think of him, Autumn, Mom, the dogs, Chantal, but then I get pretty down or angry rather quickly too, like with Chantal again or how I have to repair things with friends or whatever. I'm not feeling resentment that my grades and my friendships have suffered a bit by being with her, not at all, but I am kind of upset a lot over stupid things because I like her so much that I get insecure sometimes, and because I value her as much as I do when she says the littlest of innocent things I take them personally and feel shitty about them. And when I say little, I mean very insignificant comments. I just don't know. I think the honeymoon is going away.
And wtf Holly, why are you irritated that her coming over tonight means you won't get to watch the Giants?
I got my hands on a No on 102 political sign. It's one of those two feet by one feet ones that are red with white text that, above the No on 102, it says "keep politicians out of marriage." I'm very proud of it. I've also taken to writing lines from that Harvey Milk video an entry back on my arm -- first "without [hope] life is not worth living," then "stay in San Antonio and fight." I just love it that much.
Oh, and Obama won. We took our McCain pumpkin and smashed it to bits with a hammer; our Obama pumpkin is hanging out on the table with my I Voted sticker on it. I grabbed the copy of the Arizona Republic from the day after with Obama's picture all over it and stashed it away with all my sports ones, like when the Backs got to the NLCS and the Mavs got knocked out of the 06 Finals.
I cried when he gave his acceptance speech. It was amazing. I still get the chills thinking about how much the rest of the world approves of him and wants to work with us again, and how much we broke history by electing him. All of those propositions passed, though. Those hurt, especially in California.
I'm going to start the process of applying to ASU next week. I'm extremely nervous about it. I wish I could put it off longer.
|
pessimistic
depressed
good